“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it” ~ W.C. Fields
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Tag: family
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Today’s LifeSucx:
“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash” ~ Jerry Seinfeld
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Today’s LifeSucx:
“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof” ~ Rodney Dangerfield
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Today’s LifeSucx:
“I’m on that diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That’s a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver’s license” ~ Larry the Cable Guy
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Today’s LifeSucx:
“My wife only has sex with me for a purpose… Last night she used me to time an egg” ~ Rodney Dangerfield
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Today’s LifeSucx:
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.” ~ Groucho Marx
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Today’s LifeSucx:
“Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?” ~ George Carlin
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Today’s LifeSucx:
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab” ~Rodney Dangerfield
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Today’s LifeSucx:
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
~ Steve Martin
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Today’s LifeSucx:
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
~ Groucho Marx