Tag: inlaws

“My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning” ~ Ray Romano

You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’ ~ Jerry Seinfeld

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, “Wait til it gets warmer.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield

“Confucius say: Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ”

“My wife only has sex with me for a purpose… Last night she used me to time an egg” ~ Rodney Dangerfield

“A rich man is one who isn’t afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper…”

“I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house … but the kids still get in…”

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are”

“A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it”

“A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce…”